I can't believe that my eyes are already watery just typing this entry. Is my heart that brittle? or is it normal? Many times I've doubt myself for being unique in the sense of being different where the status quo will always be obliged. I've never been true to myself, mentally and spiritually, but I have no choice but to force myself to be so. At the conference at the SUPP this afternoon where all seniors from their respectful universities were there to meet up with their new intakes, I was ushered to this group on stage directed to a piece of paper which says "Kolej Universiti". Apparently, college universities are being bundled up in a group rather than individually called in three lettered acronyms bla bla bla...
NO seniors from KUTKM came to meet up with me, to make things more saddening, I was the ONLY chinese known now that was going to KUTKM. The moment I knew that, I felt like my whole world has ended and there simply isn't any meaning of continuing my studies. The commitee member of SUPP had to throw me in with KUITTHO since I'm all alone. I sat there on the floor like a broken soul with no will to survive while listening to the seniors from KUITTHO joyously explaning the surrounding areas at Johore, food, the faculty and the college university. I left early and walked under the rain holding back my tears untill I was inside my car.
I cried.
I wept and felt like no one would understand how it felt to be alone. I was so mad and sad at the same time not knowing what to do while trying hard navigating the wheels back home and working my way past the blurry view.
Some might not understand why it happened, but some might. So for now, I'm going to try and live past the grief this day, continue getting my medical checkup and appeal for UNIMAS tomorrow. The least of what I can do.
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4 Comments:
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Dude, don't worry about it! Sad as it may seem, KUTKM does indeed have chinese students. I already have contacts for three seniors studying there. The fact is, the racial proportion of students is roughly the same in ALL public universities. The fact that you are the only chinese known at the time to go is probably a little hiccup in statistics.
If you don't believe me you can go on to friendster and search for KUTKM. There's some pretty chinese girls attending there too =)
IMHO, don't worry about it too much. In primary school I was one of the rare chinese in my class which was where they put all the underperforming students and I think there's only a handful of chinese students there, and I guess that experience made me realize that it's not THAT bad.
You can add me on msn, reign226 on gmail. Like I say, don't jump to conclusions too much.
By 
Reign226, at
2:10 AM
thanks guys, I was like gosh.. not even any seniors came for it and I wasn't the only chinese guy from kuching, in fact, I was the ONLY person sent there from kuching.
Anyway, I'll be making the best out of the situation anyway.
As long the hiccup doesn't grow into burps.. hehe Thanks guys.
We'll meet up there at melaka.
By Dezmond, at
9:28 AM
Hey Dez, hope you fell better soon. I hope wherever you end up (UNIMAS or KUTKM), you'll do great there.
By Unknown, at
12:18 PM
Hey Dez...hope you are feeling much better already.
If you need any help when you are in Melaka, just send an email to eliz82 on gmail. :)
Meanwhile, praying all the best for you.
By Lizzie, at
1:21 PM
