Friday, February 15
fragile, it is. letting go, I shall.
At times I realize that my personality and emotional well-being is as fragile as a piece of thin glass. As frail as I'm making this sound, trying not to be too over melodramatic about it, I do actually see the influence on me. Be it socializing with friends or hanging out, simple little comments or sarcasm will cause a ripple, ultimately affecting my mood for the whole day which amazingly I'm aware of.
As hard as I'm trying to not talk about it, I feel that I'm obligated suppress this side of me by blogging about it. I do realize that I'm different from other people, very different. Heck, I do know that not everyone is similar, but to a certain degree of it, I consider myself the odd one out. I could list them down for you and take me hours to type it out, but this one thing about myself that I'm always in denial is...... (drum rolls)
I'm very very sensitively EMOTIONAL.
There, I said it. I'm very very sensitive about how people interact to me around me. I don't really know whether there's a psychological or medical term for it (god forbid), but let me put it this way, a combo of Sigmund Freud and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) patients. I don't know how it all started, probably because I'm the only child in the family and I never actually had any sibling to make a fool of or cry with growing up.
HOWEVER, rest assured. The previous few months was a rocky one before last year's semester break. Knowing that I get serious mood swings at times, those 8 months away from home and my friends that mattered to me the most, nearly drove me to the edge, and the people here don't really care. But the time when I was in Kuching made me realized a lot about myself my friends, my presence in this world, it's influence on me and my influence to the world including the people around me. I also bumped into this fellow blogger from the States although being gay, his undying optimism on life is admirable and inspirational.
I realized that fate will eventually take it's toll on us if we defy it and hold on to that defiance to change it. Ultimately, we will suffer as long as we hold on to that. It made me realized a lot about how to let go and be happier.Gradually, I'm more aware of my actions and how I would react to situations that challenge me.
To be honest, the reason why I'm blogging about this today is because I had an encounter today. I was frail and I tried to defy it and I shattered. As soon as I'm aware of it, I took a deep breath, thought things through and gradually I came back. Others might see it as me getting into a seasonal mood swing, but for me, it means a lot to me.
Well, me sharing this little snippet of my life isn't actually the best way to write a blog entry, but what can I do about it but to let go?
try this for a change, you have an exam tomorrow night, and instead of delving on how bad you're going to do or the time left for you to study before the exam, think of it as an event in your whole life and you're are meant for something greater, something more significant, and this exam is just ONE out of BILLION variables and events in your life to achieve that greatness, now how do you feel now? let me know...
At times I realize that my personality and emotional well-being is as fragile as a piece of thin glass. As frail as I'm making this sound, trying not to be too over melodramatic about it, I do actually see the influence on me. Be it socializing with friends or hanging out, simple little comments or sarcasm will cause a ripple, ultimately affecting my mood for the whole day which amazingly I'm aware of.
As hard as I'm trying to not talk about it, I feel that I'm obligated suppress this side of me by blogging about it. I do realize that I'm different from other people, very different. Heck, I do know that not everyone is similar, but to a certain degree of it, I consider myself the odd one out. I could list them down for you and take me hours to type it out, but this one thing about myself that I'm always in denial is...... (drum rolls)
I'm very very sensitively EMOTIONAL.
There, I said it. I'm very very sensitive about how people interact to me around me. I don't really know whether there's a psychological or medical term for it (god forbid), but let me put it this way, a combo of Sigmund Freud and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) patients. I don't know how it all started, probably because I'm the only child in the family and I never actually had any sibling to make a fool of or cry with growing up.
HOWEVER, rest assured. The previous few months was a rocky one before last year's semester break. Knowing that I get serious mood swings at times, those 8 months away from home and my friends that mattered to me the most, nearly drove me to the edge, and the people here don't really care. But the time when I was in Kuching made me realized a lot about myself my friends, my presence in this world, it's influence on me and my influence to the world including the people around me. I also bumped into this fellow blogger from the States although being gay, his undying optimism on life is admirable and inspirational.
I realized that fate will eventually take it's toll on us if we defy it and hold on to that defiance to change it. Ultimately, we will suffer as long as we hold on to that. It made me realized a lot about how to let go and be happier.Gradually, I'm more aware of my actions and how I would react to situations that challenge me.
To be honest, the reason why I'm blogging about this today is because I had an encounter today. I was frail and I tried to defy it and I shattered. As soon as I'm aware of it, I took a deep breath, thought things through and gradually I came back. Others might see it as me getting into a seasonal mood swing, but for me, it means a lot to me.
Well, me sharing this little snippet of my life isn't actually the best way to write a blog entry, but what can I do about it but to let go?
try this for a change, you have an exam tomorrow night, and instead of delving on how bad you're going to do or the time left for you to study before the exam, think of it as an event in your whole life and you're are meant for something greater, something more significant, and this exam is just ONE out of BILLION variables and events in your life to achieve that greatness, now how do you feel now? let me know...
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Dezmond sprouts at 2/15/2008 06:49:00 PM | Permalink
2 Comments:
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ello!!!
"...the people here don't really care"
wei!!!!!!!!!! im people! i care! uve hurt my feelings....T_T
ur not odd. ur unique
ur glass isnt half full on its own. u hafto make it happen urself
im touchy too when it comes to comments made by others n wat theyre actually implying....
it just sits there at the edge of my mind...bugging me....
By 
1n$aTiab13 Adventurer, at
12:57 PM
hmm.. nice post. speaks out from your heart i guess.
Yeah, i hate emoness at times also, being so dependant one people's word or actions which could spoil my mood for one whole day or even week.
Carefree, easy said than done. I'm still an amateur.
let's gambate together. :)
