Monday, January 4
Relationships.. I'm mean relationships in a more general sense which got me thinking for a while now but I've never said it out loud before, rather it's just a notion of my mind trying to process what's actually going on.
The interactions, the minglings, the judging, the caring, the loving, the hating, everything how do you label them and pin them on the foreheads of the people around you? E.g. you call your brother a brother simply because you're born in the same family, but then you also occasionally address a close buddy of yours as a "brother", a guy with a best friend as a girl can never truly mean it when he says that the girl is his "best friend", nor otherwise with the opposite sex. What I'm trying to say is, relationships are so complicated that when you get stuck in it or dwell in it, you can never see things clearly.
I realized that at times the way I interacted relationships with people were so blind without me knowing that unconsciously I'm actually digging my own grave and slowly sinking into it while asking people around me to bury me alive, and at the same time consciously I have no idea that all my actions are contributing to my "slow death".
This is what I never understood till recently these few months of finding out the answer. I've been trying to dealt with this problem for so many years trying to know why others treat me the way they do and where have I gone wrong? Then a friend told me that things might not always be what it seems and what I expect from friends (took me a while to accept that), and others might not feel the same way about me. In other words, I cared too much, I simply cared too much about everything, everyone, and every piece of fucking detail and gave a full-fledged piece-of-surrender towards all those relationships that never existed at the first place.
I was so fucking stupid.
Then when things go down south, it impacted me so much I literally felt heart-brokened with the urge of just dying so things would be better off. What I needed was a slap right on the face and a reality check, and I got it.
I can't keep on giving and caring too much and in return just making myself more and more miserable and unhappy... I've had it. Thanks to a few buddies of mine who took the effort and time in trying to talk some sense into me, really appreciate it a lot.
owh ya, btw happy new year u guys :)
The interactions, the minglings, the judging, the caring, the loving, the hating, everything how do you label them and pin them on the foreheads of the people around you? E.g. you call your brother a brother simply because you're born in the same family, but then you also occasionally address a close buddy of yours as a "brother", a guy with a best friend as a girl can never truly mean it when he says that the girl is his "best friend", nor otherwise with the opposite sex. What I'm trying to say is, relationships are so complicated that when you get stuck in it or dwell in it, you can never see things clearly.
I realized that at times the way I interacted relationships with people were so blind without me knowing that unconsciously I'm actually digging my own grave and slowly sinking into it while asking people around me to bury me alive, and at the same time consciously I have no idea that all my actions are contributing to my "slow death".
This is what I never understood till recently these few months of finding out the answer. I've been trying to dealt with this problem for so many years trying to know why others treat me the way they do and where have I gone wrong? Then a friend told me that things might not always be what it seems and what I expect from friends (took me a while to accept that), and others might not feel the same way about me. In other words, I cared too much, I simply cared too much about everything, everyone, and every piece of fucking detail and gave a full-fledged piece-of-surrender towards all those relationships that never existed at the first place.
I was so fucking stupid.
Then when things go down south, it impacted me so much I literally felt heart-brokened with the urge of just dying so things would be better off. What I needed was a slap right on the face and a reality check, and I got it.
I can't keep on giving and caring too much and in return just making myself more and more miserable and unhappy... I've had it. Thanks to a few buddies of mine who took the effort and time in trying to talk some sense into me, really appreciate it a lot.
owh ya, btw happy new year u guys :)
Labels: letstalkabout, rants, thoughts
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